Box Office Predictions for Monday
When I created this blog (about 5 minutes ago), I decided that as both a neat gimmick and a way to make sure I update at least once a week, every Friday I'd weigh in on who will take the weekend box office. Now that I find myself staring at figures, I somewhat regret that move, but I will carry through. Anyway, to begin with, there are only three movies, I think, that have a chance of taking it this weekend: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Wedding Crashers, and Fantastic Four, which was the #1 last weekend. War of the Worlds, the most recent Spielberg crapfest and #2 from last weekend, doesn't stand a chance, and if I may digress for a moment, I'd like to rant about that. First of all, I haven't seen this movie, and I never will. By all accounts it sucks, and even before accounts of it started coming out, I knew it would suck. How was I so remarkably prescient, you may ask? This movie has a triple-threat of suckage.
1. Tom Cruise. Tom Cruise sucks. Not only is he a crappy actor, he's a Scientologist (www.xenu.net). If that isn't enough reason to hate him, he also had to go and hoodwink Katie Holmes and trick her into believing that he'd rather be with her than some cheap trick named Jack he met in a bar.
2. Steven Spielberg. Steven Spielberg is an overrated, talentless hack. His movies succeed only because they are simple enough for the unwashed masses to follow. His movies suck because there are two important concepts he does not understand: character, and subtlety. Quick, name the best character from a Spielberg movie. You can't, because his movies don't have any characters! The only one I can come up with is Indiana Jones, and Indiana Jones is a great character only due to the input of Harrison Ford. Don't believe me? Consider that the lines, "It's not the years honey, it's the mileage,"; "I don't know; I'm making this up as I go along,"; and even the entire scene where Indiana simply shoots the Arab swordsman, widely considered to be the best scene in Raiders of the Lost Ark, were all Harrison Ford's idea. (There is a similar point to be made here about George Lucas and Han Solo. That is for another time). As for subtlety, well, Christ, when have you seen a Spielberg movie that didn't bash you over the head with every plot point and theme?
3. War of the Worlds. War of the Worlds isn't even that good of a book!!!!!
Anyway, if a movie is suck^3 I refuse to see it, and it seems like so does much of America, because my opinions aside, a drop of 53% in box office returns from its 1st weekend to its 2nd means War of the Worlds doesn't stand a chance of recapturing no. 1 at the box office.
As to the three films that do stand a chance, one of them, Fantastic Four, I only include because it is a wild card to me. It grossed $56 million at the box office last weekend, a strong showing, more than I would've predicted, and enough to finally lift the box office out of its slump. Impressive. Most impressive. But you are not a Jedi yet. While I admit the possibility that Fantastic Four could keep this up, I don't think it will have legs against two highly anticipated movies coming out today: Wedding Crashers and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
Wedding Crashers, as I'm sure you all know, is the latest entry from the "Frat Pack", the name USA Today gave to that group of comic actors made up of Vince Vaughn, Will Ferrell, the Wilson Brothers (Luke and Owen), Ben Stiller, and sometimes Jack Black (the IMDb includes him; Wikipedia does not). They generally make hugely successful movies; their most recent release, Anchorman: the Legend of Ron Burgundy, was a $26 million dollar film that made $28 million in its opening weekend alone, and went on to make $85 million domestically. Wedding Crashers looks even more promising to my eyes, as it stars the pairing of the supremely funny Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn, as opposed to the supremely unfunny Will Ferrell, and it has Christopher Walken, who is the man. Wedding Crashers will be held back by its R-rating, of course, as all junior entertainment analysts know, but I suspect it won't suffer as much as some people think.
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is a massively anticipated remake; I've been looking forward to it since before they cast Johnny Depp in the lead role. Once my revulsion at the fact that they'd dare remake a classic like Willy Wonka wore off, I found myself quite looking forward to seeing what Tim Burton would create, and once I saw the teaser trailer, I was hooked. Burton is a fantastic director, and while Depp manages to piss me off almost every time he opens his mouth about something political, he is still the greatest actor of his generation.
So, all that being considered, my choice for #1 at the box office over the weekend July 15-17 is....*drumroll please*
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Quite simply, it's got the built-in audience of a remake, the cult appeals of Depp and Burton, and it's rated PG rather than Wedding Crahsers' R. Wedding Crashers will be a close second.
1. Tom Cruise. Tom Cruise sucks. Not only is he a crappy actor, he's a Scientologist (www.xenu.net). If that isn't enough reason to hate him, he also had to go and hoodwink Katie Holmes and trick her into believing that he'd rather be with her than some cheap trick named Jack he met in a bar.
2. Steven Spielberg. Steven Spielberg is an overrated, talentless hack. His movies succeed only because they are simple enough for the unwashed masses to follow. His movies suck because there are two important concepts he does not understand: character, and subtlety. Quick, name the best character from a Spielberg movie. You can't, because his movies don't have any characters! The only one I can come up with is Indiana Jones, and Indiana Jones is a great character only due to the input of Harrison Ford. Don't believe me? Consider that the lines, "It's not the years honey, it's the mileage,"; "I don't know; I'm making this up as I go along,"; and even the entire scene where Indiana simply shoots the Arab swordsman, widely considered to be the best scene in Raiders of the Lost Ark, were all Harrison Ford's idea. (There is a similar point to be made here about George Lucas and Han Solo. That is for another time). As for subtlety, well, Christ, when have you seen a Spielberg movie that didn't bash you over the head with every plot point and theme?
3. War of the Worlds. War of the Worlds isn't even that good of a book!!!!!
Anyway, if a movie is suck^3 I refuse to see it, and it seems like so does much of America, because my opinions aside, a drop of 53% in box office returns from its 1st weekend to its 2nd means War of the Worlds doesn't stand a chance of recapturing no. 1 at the box office.
As to the three films that do stand a chance, one of them, Fantastic Four, I only include because it is a wild card to me. It grossed $56 million at the box office last weekend, a strong showing, more than I would've predicted, and enough to finally lift the box office out of its slump. Impressive. Most impressive. But you are not a Jedi yet. While I admit the possibility that Fantastic Four could keep this up, I don't think it will have legs against two highly anticipated movies coming out today: Wedding Crashers and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
Wedding Crashers, as I'm sure you all know, is the latest entry from the "Frat Pack", the name USA Today gave to that group of comic actors made up of Vince Vaughn, Will Ferrell, the Wilson Brothers (Luke and Owen), Ben Stiller, and sometimes Jack Black (the IMDb includes him; Wikipedia does not). They generally make hugely successful movies; their most recent release, Anchorman: the Legend of Ron Burgundy, was a $26 million dollar film that made $28 million in its opening weekend alone, and went on to make $85 million domestically. Wedding Crashers looks even more promising to my eyes, as it stars the pairing of the supremely funny Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn, as opposed to the supremely unfunny Will Ferrell, and it has Christopher Walken, who is the man. Wedding Crashers will be held back by its R-rating, of course, as all junior entertainment analysts know, but I suspect it won't suffer as much as some people think.
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is a massively anticipated remake; I've been looking forward to it since before they cast Johnny Depp in the lead role. Once my revulsion at the fact that they'd dare remake a classic like Willy Wonka wore off, I found myself quite looking forward to seeing what Tim Burton would create, and once I saw the teaser trailer, I was hooked. Burton is a fantastic director, and while Depp manages to piss me off almost every time he opens his mouth about something political, he is still the greatest actor of his generation.
So, all that being considered, my choice for #1 at the box office over the weekend July 15-17 is....*drumroll please*
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Quite simply, it's got the built-in audience of a remake, the cult appeals of Depp and Burton, and it's rated PG rather than Wedding Crahsers' R. Wedding Crashers will be a close second.
posted by tGP at 11:10
2 Comments:
Very well thought out. And I tend to agree. I don't usually see a film on its opening day but I did see Factory last night. I've already blogged my critique but it wasn't nearly as descriptive as yours.
And Depp is an absolute genius. Agreed wholeheartedly.
you are silly
and no you're not always right, only 99.99999999% of the time.
and yes depp is an absolute genius not only because he's amazing and "the greatest actor of his time" etc but, of course, because he pisses you off politically :P
oh and all the cool people were reading harry potter this weekend not seeing movies so i think that wins above all else. haha.
i think i'm done now having written a good deal of pointless idiocy under the influence of distraction and sleep deprivation and harry potter obsession
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